Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be married. Growing up I spent a lot of time playing “house”. Watching all of my “kids” waiting for my “husband” to get home from work. I honestly don’t remember a time that I didn’t want to be married. The desire crept in when I was 16. That seemed a logical time to start dating, right? Ha, no. I decided at a young age I wasn’t going to date anyone until I knew for sure that he was my husband. 2 years later, I’ve still kept that promise. People my age don’t get that. And I can understand that.. Everyone is different.
I’ve been reading through the Old Testament this year, and I’ve noticed that not once does the bible talk about dating. I’ve read story after story about men taking women as their wives, but nothing about dating. I wondered why that is. I think it’s simply because God wants us to trust him with the fact that he does in fact have someone perfectly picked out for us. But I’ve had a hard time believing that. Now, I’m sure most adults reading this would like to assure me that I’m only 18, and that I have my whole life to figure that out.. Which may be true, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. The reality of the situation is that I have no idea when I’ll get married, let alone meet the man I’m supposed to be with. That reality scared me. It drove me to a place of fear and control. Two things I’m really good at. I tried to imagine myself with quite literally any attractive guy I came in contact with. Wondering what his mother is like, if he would make a good dad, how many kids would he want, without even knowing the guy. I asked my friends if they knew anyone that they could set me up with. I thought it was a really good plan until one day The Lord asked me why I was running. I quickly reminded him that I don’t run, everyone knows that. But he said something that made me quite upset actually.
“China I’m taking you places right now that I need it to just be me and you. I can’t have you distracted.”
I was really conflicted on how I felt about that. Yes, I’m excited to go new places with my Heavenly Father, but I’m not crazy about the fact that I might actually have to wait on him for something.
Waiting on God is a very challenging thing. It tests not only your trust but your faith. It requires you to step out of the boat and walk on water. It means in times where the storm is raging and I’m freaking out, I have to call out to him and know that he is in fact the prince of peace. The idea of trust sounds great, until you have to do it. We sing songs about trusting God, but when it comes to it.. We’d rather run, have our way, and control our circumstances.
I’m now at a place where I don’t want my ways anymore. If what he has is better then I want that! Regardless of how long it takes. Because Jesus is in fact enough for me.
So while I’m in the process of waiting, I’m choosing to believe that whatever the cost, I’m gonna follow him. It’s too risky not to.
hewillbeourhope 
China, I can so appreciate your heart here. I remember crying my eyes out in 3rd grade because the boy I thought I would marry didn’t even talk to me. I wanted to be a wife and mom for as long as I could remember. Sometimes I forget how endless that felt b/c I’m now a mom of seven! 😉 I went through a season with “just God” that I am still grateful for to this day- and it ended up that God sent me (and my husband) to China, where we met one rainy day- and of course it was when we least expected it. It’s a story I would never want to write differently.
Be blessed and keep going places with God!
Shannon H.
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